Mystery Men: A Super Powered Cast of Misfit All-Stars (Or Why Wasn't This Movie More Awesome)

What is every young boys dream? Is it to be an Astronaut? A Fireman? A Rock Star, maybe? Or perhaps a famous Celebrity of somekind? 

The answer?

All of the above. But how does one become an Astronaut-Fireman-Rock-Star-Celebrity? Easy.

Become a Super Hero. 

Amateur Superheroes? Awww yeeeaah!

The year is 1999. It's summer. I am nine years old. And after seeing the trailer for this new, quirky superhero flick, I go to the theaters to see this little film. Little did I know what would occur after the viewing of this film. A tradition, still kept to this day, of my cousins and I camping out in their backyard while running an extension cord back up to the house in order to watch this film on VHS, and later, DVD on a mini 11" by 8" television. Ahh, sweet memories of youth. Is it too soon to start reminiscing? I think not.

At a time when superhero genre flicks were only just starting to get their feet wet in the movie industry, along comes a director of TV commercials and ad campaigns, Kinka Usher, with a superhero film boasting a cast of outcasts that sets it apart from all others at the time: Mystery Men.

From L to R: The Bowler, The Invisible Boy, The Sphinx, The Shoveler, The Spleen, Mr. Furious, and the Blue Raja

Looking back in time we see that hindsight is 20/20. But that still doesn't offer an explanation as to why a film like Mystery Men tanked so hard at the box office. Mystery Men was, to use modern day terms, sort've like The Avengers before Marvel even had Marvel Studios or any of it's Iron Man films in the works--just with no-name heroes. But who better to play no-name heroes than big-name movie stars? That's something that Mystery Men has in spades: star power.   

With William H. Macy, Hank Azaria, and Ben Stiller forming the triumvirate of superheroes known only by their monikers: the Shoveler, the Blue Raja, and Mr. Furious, respectively, the film was already off to a decent start as the men were then just making names for themselves, and are now considered to be some of the most distinguished members of the acting community. Hardcore. Add on to the fact that you have Geoffrey Freakin' Rush as your bad guy, Cassanova Frankenstein, (which I personally think is still one of the best super villain names of all time), and Greg Kinnear as his arch-nemeses, the super-douche Captain Amazing and you've got yourself the start of something good. Throw in notable comedians like Paul Reubens, Janeane Garofalo, and the then popular Kel Mitchell for humorous on-screen antics, Mr. Wes Studi for some nobility and leadership, a dash of Tom Waits for some good ol' fashioned home-grown crazy, a pinch of Eddie Izzard and some Pras from the Fugees as Disco gangsters, and you've got yourself a cornucopia of acting talent and prestige. And don't even get me started on the cameos. Yeah. I'm lookin' at you Dane Cook.

Still,  the film only earned a modest gross of $29,655,550 and had an (estimated) budget of $65,000,000. You don't have to be a Mathlete to recognize that the numbers just don't add up to not even to half of what the film was worth.  So why did Mystery Men fail to inspire mystery or intrigue of any kind in men, women, boys and girls? Well, to answer that, we're gonna have to go to the breakdown.

The Breakdown

• Ridiculousness: This film isn't ridiculous. It's utterly preposterous. In both premise and design. Hell, even the execution of this film is ridiculous. A commercial director? Really? That was the best you could do, guys? But I will say this: my nine year old version of myself really was drawn to this film, regardless of how ridiculous it was. So, for all that nostalgia, I can't judge this film too harshly. 3/5 Stars
• Classiness: Um, there's very little that's classy about this film. But, then again, it's not really supposed to be classy. You have some classy characters, to be sure, but they're all suave bad guys. This movie's about the underdog. The smelly, flea-bitten, tick-infested, ring-worm bearing underdog. The costumes at the end of the film, however, are truly epic and would make for an awesomely sweet group costume for Halloween nowadays. 2.5/5 Stars
• Cheesiness: This is an absolute cheesefest. Too cheesy to please nowadays. Back when I was a kid with weight problems and a fond for hotdogs, I'd say, "Sure! The cheesier, the better!" But I know better now, and after watching Mystery Men again it becomes obvious that the film suffers from too much...fun. I almost loathe to use that word, but it just seems like this film was too much fun and nonsense for everyone involved, and not enough focused Awesome. I mean, this film actually had a good shot at telling something meaningful with it's undercurrent theme of corporate sponsership. But what happens? The film flounders in the shallow recesses of fart jokes and poorly done slapstick. For shame, Mystery Men. For shame. 4/5 Stars
• Hilariousness: This film has its moments. Most of the dialogue is improvised by the cast, and as I mentioned before, they're all pretty with it actors that come up with some witty dialogue. But if you're looking for serious chuckles, I'd look elsewhere. 2/5 Stars
• Awesomeness: This...is a Somewhat Awesome film. With an average rating of 2.875 Stars, Mystery Men tries to rise to its most Awesome calling of being a superhero, but just like the poor schmucks it happens to depict the film manages to do exactly what those losers are good at: falling flat on its face.
  And there you have it my wannabe super peeps. There's the downlow on the Men of Mystery. Now you know the truth behind their secret identity. What's your favorite Superhero flick? Be it 80's, 90's, or more recent. Post in the comments. I'd like to know. And I'll leave you with this.
  

- Duke

See No Evil, Hear No Evil: The Dynamic Duo Do It Again (Or Richard Pryor. Gene Wilder. Nuff said.)

Every so often a comedian is able to rise to the occasion and transcend their unordinary calling to simply make others laugh and entertain. These comedians are capable of holding up a mirror to society's reflection, and by poking fun at society, are able to generate great and true societal change. The film See No Evil, Hear No Evil has two such comedians in the starring roles: Richard Pryor and Gene Wilder.

One is hilarious....The other is...also hilarious. Together they are...hysterical.

See No Evil, Hear No Evil was a film done in 1989. Spanning a fifteen year time period from 1976 to 1991,  See No Evil, Hear No Evil was the third film out of four that Richard Pryor and Gene Wilder did as a comedic duo. Interesting to note is that, at the time, TriStar pictures was looking to produce another Pryor-Wilder film, but Wilder said he would only do the film if he were personally allowed to rewrite the script. TriStar reluctantly agreed, and on May 15, 1989, the film opened to--le gasp--mostly negative reviews. While most critics of the film agreed that Wilder, Pryor, and Kevin Spacey (in a supporting role) all gave fine performances, the script itself was lackluster and many of the gags were considered to be tried and juvenile. Now, I don't know what film those guys were watching because from where I'm sitting, this film is a comedic gold mine--and apparently people agree with me because the film held the #1 spot when it came out for the first two weeks (Source). And you can see why by taking a look at these clips.

The film's plot is simple enough to follow, too: A man is murdered at a newsstand shop in the middle of the day. Two men happen to witness it. Kind of. A blind man, Wally Karue (Pryor), hears the killer's shots, and a deaf man, Dave Lyons (Wilder), sees the killer walking away after pulling the trigger. Soon after the police come across the pair at the scene of the crime and do their best from what they're given to get to the bottom of it, but even they don't think Wally and Dave are credible witnesses. But the killers, (played by Kevin Spacey, Joan Severance, and Anthony Zerbe respectively)  don't want to take any chances. The two men must now work together, handicapped and impaired though they are, to save themselves and bring the killers to justice. 

One's deaf. One's blind. Can you guess which one is driving? What could possibly go wrong?!

And now, of course, the moment you've all been waiting for. To the breakdown!

The Breakdown

• Ridiculousness: Okay, now here's a ridiculous film if I ever saw one. The premise is as farfetched as the characters themselves. A blind man and a deaf guy are friends? Okay, I can buy that. Continue. A blind man and a deaf guy are witnesses to a murder? Um, okay, now you're starting to stretch things a bit, but hey, I can dig it. A blind man and a deaf guy travel all over the state of New York in search of the killers that framed them? Yeah. That's ridiculous. 3/5 Stars
• Classiness: I have always loved Gene Wilder and Richard Pryor because no matter what they do, always manage to remain true to themselves. There's a genuineness and obvious sense of style that just seeps out from their private personality into the characters they inhabit. This is no different. It's like getting a look at what Pryor and Wilder would have been like if they'd been blind and deaf, respectively, yet managed to remain hilarious. And that's classy. 3.5/5 Stars
• Cheesiness: Alright. This can be a pretty cheesy film at times. It's gags are most definitely tried and true and some jokes hit while others miss. Sometimes the characters can be right on point, and other times they're just so over the top and overdone you're just like, "Ehh...really?" Then there's the Captain of Police. What a dumb character. He ends the movie lamenting the fact he couldn't shoot either of the protagonists. What kind of police officer wants to shoot a deaf guy and a blind guy, let alone a police captain? 2/5 Stars
• Hilariousness: This film is funny. Very funny. At least at times. It's essentially a blind man and a deaf guy being smart, clever, and doing slapstick. Which they do very well sometimes, and other times, not so much. Still. Here's an example of what to expect in See No Evil, Hear No Evil.  2.5/5 Stars

• Awesomeness: This...is a Somewhat Awesome film. It's actually a terrible shame that with an average of 2.75 Stars, a film like Hear No Evil, See No Evil isn't better. It had all the makings of being something Awesome or even Totally Awesome. But alas somethings just fall apart at the seams and there's nothing anyone can do about it. Oh well. That's okay. Not all of'em can be home runs. Sometimes you've just gotta settle for the walk.
  
  Wundebar, meine kinder. See No Evil, Hear No Evil. It's a helluva flick, and I'd say give it a viewing if you're in the mood for Richard Pryor or Gene Wilder. Can never go wrong with those two. Clearly. And thus concludes our breakdown of a good-almost-great Pryor/Wilder duo flick. Thanks for tuning in and I'll seeya next time film fans.
  
  - Duke

The Princess Bride: The Romantic's Action-Comedy (Or Everything You Want In A Film)

Few films are capable of transcending genre restrictions so flawlessly as The Princess Bride. Originally a novel by S. Morgernstern but translated and abridged by William Goldman and published in 1979, the film version of The Princess Bride would come out a little under ten years later in 1987.

                                 

                                                Book Version

Film Version

This movie is, quite frankly, one of my favorite movies of all time. The book is an absolute stellar read and I highly recommend picking it up, but the movie! Just watch this clip of the late great Peter Falk (may he RIP) as the Grandfather talking to his Grandson, (played by Wonder Years star Fred Savage) about, ironically, the magic of books:

This film truly has it all, and yet, I know many of you will say that it is not truly an Action-Comedy. To this I might have to agree as the film takes place in a Renaissance-era setting and therefore lacks the necessary explosions, car chases, and witty one-liners that abound in the Action-Comedy genre. Indeed, The Princess Bride would more appropriately fall under the Adventure-Romance-Comedy kind of flick. However this film is so damn funny and packed full of action. If you don't believe me, watch these two clips. The first is an epic sword duel between the Dread Pirate Roberts, played by Cary Elwes, and the Spaniard Inigo Montoya, played by Mandy Patinkin. And the second is a mash-up of Wallace Shawn as the evil Sicilian genuis, Vizzzini uttering his favorite catchphrase: inconceivable!

The Princess Bride is such a good film because it's both a parody of the classic love-story/fairy-tale, and yet also a simple re-imagining of it. The story, like so many other fairy-tale romances, begins as such: Buttercup is a beautiful girl whose parents own a small farm in the countryside of Florin and Westley is a farm boy who works for them. Buttercup's favorite pastime is ordering Westely around, to which Westley always replies "As you wish.", a sign of his affection, and obliges Buttercup happily. The two eventually fall deeply in love, but in order to get money to be married, Westley goes off to find a job and start a life for them. But then Buttercup hears of Westley's death by pirates and she suddenly finds herself whisked away by Prince Humperdinck, who is resolved to make her his bride. As the nuptials near, Buttercup is kidnapped by three outlaws--Vizzini, Fezzik, and Inigo Montoya who are hired to kill the Princess and start a war with Florin. Buttercup is then saved by the Dread Pirate Roberts who later reveals himself to be Westley who happened to escape death. But Buttercup is taken once again right as she and Wesley are reunited by the ruthless Prince Humperdinck. The Prince then orders torture upon Westley so as to  keep him away from Buttercup, but Westley ends up being saved by Fezzik and Inigo, who in turn risk life and limb to help him save Buttercup.

So how does this movie fare? Let's find out in the breakdown.

The Breakdown

Ridiculousness: Now this is one seriously wacky fairy tale. Told with a mostly tongue-in-cheek style of story-telling, The Princess Bride is always pushing towards the more ridiculous as the film progresses. From its humble beginning on Buttercup's family farm, to the grand castle of Prince Humperdinck, to the incredibly twisted Fire Swamp and the self-explanatory Cliffs of Insanity--this flick has ridiculousness all over it like a Holocaust cloak on a giant. And it works. 5/5 Stars

Classiness: While ridiculous, The Princess Bride also manages to remain incredibly classy and on point. The dialogue is always sharp and witty. The characters are all so fresh and well-crafted. I mean, hell, even the look and feel of it is just like if you'd been dropped into a fairy-tale yourself. And all of the scenes with Cary Elwes and Robin Wright as Westley and Buttercup respectively are tender and sweet when they very easily could have been cheesy and overdone. Incredibly classy film, indeed. 5/5 Stars

Cheesiness: Actually, in my opinion, this film isn't very cheesy. But I could see where people would draw those conclusions. The characters are big, the romance is heightened, and the relationship between the Grandfather and Grandson, (while in my mind appropriate), can get kind of hammy and sappy towards the end. 2.5/5 Stars

Hilariousness: The Princess Bride is full of funny moments from beginning to end. It wouldn't be one of my favorite movies of all time if it didn't have as many funny moments as it does. To prove my point here are two more clips of awesome hilarity. 4/5 Stars

• Awesomeness: This...is a Totally Awesome film. With a rating of 4.125/5 Stars The Princess Bride is a film that's just superb on so many levels. It's damn near perfect. I mean, seriously, what more could a person ask for what with all it gives you: fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles...
  
  So there you have it ladies and gents. The Princess Bride. The Romantic's Action-Comedy. The Action-Rom-Com. The Comedic-Action-Romance. Yup. It's all of those things, a little bit of magic, and a whole lot of awesome, too.
  
  - Duke