Galaxy Quest: An Ode To Trekkies, Nerds, and All Geekdom (Or If Star Trek Had Been Written By Stoners)

"It speaks to some basic human needs: that there is a tomorrow--that it's not all going to be over in a big flash and a bomb; that the human race is improving, and that we have things to be proud of as humans. No, ancient astronauts did not build the pyramids. Human beings built them because they're clever and they work hard. And 'Star Trek' is about those things." - Gene Roddenberry, the creator of 'Star Trek'.

If 'Star Trek' is about pointing out the potential that is the clever, hard-working ingenuity of man and a hopeful tomorrow, than Galaxy Quest is about what happens when that idea is applied quite literally. Except, y'know, without all the idealized characters running the show, but actual, flawed individuals with lives that are falling to pieces.

Galaxy Quest is a film that came out at the end of the century and on the cusp of the New Millennium. The year was 1999 and it was a good year to be a Science-Fiction nerd. Why? Because Galaxy Quest, with its star-studded cast and intelligent writing, was meant to be the mocking parody of 'Star Trek' on the grand stage: the silver screen. The film takes place eighteen years after their sci-fi adventure show "Galaxy Quest" is canceled. That means that actors Jason Nesmith (Tim Allen), Gwen DeMarco (Sigourney Weaver), Alexander Dane (Alan Rickman), Tommy Webber (Daryl Mitchell), Fred Kwan (Tony Shaloub) and Crewman #6 (Sam Rockwell) are making appearances at sci-fi conventions and store openings in costume and character. They're wallowing in despair and are constantly at each other's throats--that is until alien visitors known as Thermians arrive and, having mistaken the show for "historical documents" and consequently modeling their entire culture around it, take them into space to save them from the genocidal General Sarris and his armada.

"Never give up! Never surrender!"

What does this mean for the fictional crew of the fictional ship, the NSEA Protector? Well, it means they're in over they're heads--that's for sure. But they're actors. And if there's anything that actors do well, it's selling themselves as something they're not. So the cast of Galaxy Quest embarks on a journey through the stars to defeat the evil Sarris, and along the way, grow and develop into three-dimensional characters out of the two-dimensional stereotypes we first see them as. All the while maintaining a hilarious tongue in cheek assessment of the situation that takes sly, underhanded jabs at both Star Trek and the characters themselves while also managing to make the characters look sympathetic. A difficult task that the writers and actors actually manage to pull off, and pull off well. Who does it the best, you ask? Why, Guy Fleegman, of course. Better known as Crewman #6 to loyal Questarians. Okay, perhaps he's not the most sympathetic of characters. But he's certainly the most amusing.

And now...

The Breakdown

• Ridiculousness: So. This film is a little ridiculous. Aliens come to Earth under the assumption that it, and the fictional crew of the NSEA Protector, are their only hope for salvation against an intergalactic warlord bent on the destruction of...well, just about everything. The great thing about this movie is it never loses its ability to poke fun at it self while still maintaining the gravity of the character's predicament. And that's a whole batch of ridiculousness that's too awesome for words. 4.5/5 Stars
• Classiness: This film is very classy. Not in the traditional sense of classy, cool, suave characters who know what they're doing, but in the sense of consistency. The consistency of character throughout the film is superb. How do I know this? Because you can see a marked and natural change from every character in the film. And that's classy as fuck. 5/5 Stars
• Cheesiness: This is a cheesy movie in every best possible sense of the word. Every character has a single thing they do or come back to. For Commander Taggert it's his inability to see how his vanity affects the others around him. For Gwen DeMarco it's creating an identity for herself beyond sex symbol and her job on the ship of "repeating what the computer says." For Guy/Crewman #6 it's his fear of death. And for actor Alexander Dane, it's this. Watch this and see the evolution from cheesy catchphrase to poignant pact made on a friend's deathbed. It's the sort've cheesy evolution that's the staple of good films everywhere. 3.5/5 Stars
  
• Hilariousness: This film is fuckin' comedy gold. I laugh. Every. Single. Time. I'll repeat phrases from this film all the time, and it will STILL leave me cracking up. I can't even tell you how many times I'll turn to my roommate and say, "Look around you! Can you construct a rudimentary lathe?" to which he'll promptly respond, "A LATHE?! GET OFF THE LINE GUY!" Instantaneous recognition of a joke from a film? That's pretty much the definition of hilariousness. 4.5/5 Stars
• Awesomeness: This...is a Totally Awesome film. With an average rating of 4.375 Stars, it's quite clear that Galaxy Quest is one of the greatest Science-Fiction Action-Comedies of the last couple decades. Or at least for the 80's and 90's. Clearly.
  
  There you are Questarians. An intimate critique of the universe of Galaxy Quest as picked apart by yours truly. What's your favorite Sci-Fi action-comedy? Is it Galaxy Quest? Is it something else? Lemme know in the comments! And I leave you with this.
  
  
  
  - Duke

Mystery Men: A Super Powered Cast of Misfit All-Stars (Or Why Wasn't This Movie More Awesome)

What is every young boys dream? Is it to be an Astronaut? A Fireman? A Rock Star, maybe? Or perhaps a famous Celebrity of somekind? 

The answer?

All of the above. But how does one become an Astronaut-Fireman-Rock-Star-Celebrity? Easy.

Become a Super Hero. 

Amateur Superheroes? Awww yeeeaah!

The year is 1999. It's summer. I am nine years old. And after seeing the trailer for this new, quirky superhero flick, I go to the theaters to see this little film. Little did I know what would occur after the viewing of this film. A tradition, still kept to this day, of my cousins and I camping out in their backyard while running an extension cord back up to the house in order to watch this film on VHS, and later, DVD on a mini 11" by 8" television. Ahh, sweet memories of youth. Is it too soon to start reminiscing? I think not.

At a time when superhero genre flicks were only just starting to get their feet wet in the movie industry, along comes a director of TV commercials and ad campaigns, Kinka Usher, with a superhero film boasting a cast of outcasts that sets it apart from all others at the time: Mystery Men.

From L to R: The Bowler, The Invisible Boy, The Sphinx, The Shoveler, The Spleen, Mr. Furious, and the Blue Raja

Looking back in time we see that hindsight is 20/20. But that still doesn't offer an explanation as to why a film like Mystery Men tanked so hard at the box office. Mystery Men was, to use modern day terms, sort've like The Avengers before Marvel even had Marvel Studios or any of it's Iron Man films in the works--just with no-name heroes. But who better to play no-name heroes than big-name movie stars? That's something that Mystery Men has in spades: star power.   

With William H. Macy, Hank Azaria, and Ben Stiller forming the triumvirate of superheroes known only by their monikers: the Shoveler, the Blue Raja, and Mr. Furious, respectively, the film was already off to a decent start as the men were then just making names for themselves, and are now considered to be some of the most distinguished members of the acting community. Hardcore. Add on to the fact that you have Geoffrey Freakin' Rush as your bad guy, Cassanova Frankenstein, (which I personally think is still one of the best super villain names of all time), and Greg Kinnear as his arch-nemeses, the super-douche Captain Amazing and you've got yourself the start of something good. Throw in notable comedians like Paul Reubens, Janeane Garofalo, and the then popular Kel Mitchell for humorous on-screen antics, Mr. Wes Studi for some nobility and leadership, a dash of Tom Waits for some good ol' fashioned home-grown crazy, a pinch of Eddie Izzard and some Pras from the Fugees as Disco gangsters, and you've got yourself a cornucopia of acting talent and prestige. And don't even get me started on the cameos. Yeah. I'm lookin' at you Dane Cook.

Still,  the film only earned a modest gross of $29,655,550 and had an (estimated) budget of $65,000,000. You don't have to be a Mathlete to recognize that the numbers just don't add up to not even to half of what the film was worth.  So why did Mystery Men fail to inspire mystery or intrigue of any kind in men, women, boys and girls? Well, to answer that, we're gonna have to go to the breakdown.

The Breakdown

• Ridiculousness: This film isn't ridiculous. It's utterly preposterous. In both premise and design. Hell, even the execution of this film is ridiculous. A commercial director? Really? That was the best you could do, guys? But I will say this: my nine year old version of myself really was drawn to this film, regardless of how ridiculous it was. So, for all that nostalgia, I can't judge this film too harshly. 3/5 Stars
• Classiness: Um, there's very little that's classy about this film. But, then again, it's not really supposed to be classy. You have some classy characters, to be sure, but they're all suave bad guys. This movie's about the underdog. The smelly, flea-bitten, tick-infested, ring-worm bearing underdog. The costumes at the end of the film, however, are truly epic and would make for an awesomely sweet group costume for Halloween nowadays. 2.5/5 Stars
• Cheesiness: This is an absolute cheesefest. Too cheesy to please nowadays. Back when I was a kid with weight problems and a fond for hotdogs, I'd say, "Sure! The cheesier, the better!" But I know better now, and after watching Mystery Men again it becomes obvious that the film suffers from too much...fun. I almost loathe to use that word, but it just seems like this film was too much fun and nonsense for everyone involved, and not enough focused Awesome. I mean, this film actually had a good shot at telling something meaningful with it's undercurrent theme of corporate sponsership. But what happens? The film flounders in the shallow recesses of fart jokes and poorly done slapstick. For shame, Mystery Men. For shame. 4/5 Stars
• Hilariousness: This film has its moments. Most of the dialogue is improvised by the cast, and as I mentioned before, they're all pretty with it actors that come up with some witty dialogue. But if you're looking for serious chuckles, I'd look elsewhere. 2/5 Stars
• Awesomeness: This...is a Somewhat Awesome film. With an average rating of 2.875 Stars, Mystery Men tries to rise to its most Awesome calling of being a superhero, but just like the poor schmucks it happens to depict the film manages to do exactly what those losers are good at: falling flat on its face.
  And there you have it my wannabe super peeps. There's the downlow on the Men of Mystery. Now you know the truth behind their secret identity. What's your favorite Superhero flick? Be it 80's, 90's, or more recent. Post in the comments. I'd like to know. And I'll leave you with this.
  

- Duke

Men In Black: Aliens Are F***in' Weird (Or Why Will Smith Ran The 90's)

Ahhh, the 90's and Will Smith. Few things go together as well as Will Smith and the 90's do. How do I know this? I mean, just look at the 90's. Will Smith was everywhere. 


First, in his breakout television role on the TV Sitcom, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Smith played essentially himself as a young, hip, and cool BAMF drippin' with swag straight from Philly. These words, "In West Philadelphia, born and raised..." are hallmarks of the early 90's and a signature tune to anyone from those times. Begin this song anywhere in America and I swear on everything holy and unholy in this world that any person over the age of 18 will hum or sing along with you. Guaranteed.



His role on Fresh Prince was followed up with a role in the film Independence Day, a precursor to the film I'm going to discuss in just a second.  Just in case you happened to miss out on any or all of the glory the 90's had to offer, here's a clip from Smith in his role as Captain Steven Hiller in Independence Day.


Yes. As Captain Hiller, Smith would first be introduced to alien life-forms. But it would be Agent J of the MIB that would put Smith on the path to the stars.

"You get a Series Four Deatomizer and I get a little - little midgy cricket? ...Feel like I'ma break this damn thing!"

The year was 1997 and Will Smith was on the up 'n up in Hollywood. A rising star with wit, passion, charisma, and intelligence, Will Smith was like a volcano erupting all over the 90's. Then Men In Black came out. The film did $84,133,900 in the opening weekend and did a total gross of $326,600,000 worldwide. This movie was a hit. Not just for Will Smith, but for Action-Comedy films everywhere. This film proved that with the right writers, the right director, and the right stars for a film, Action-Comedies were just as viable an option as either their straight Action or straight Comedy cousins. It was the dawn of a new age my friends. The Dawn of the Action-Comedy Blockbuster. And who was riding this typhoon of Awesomeness? Will. Fuckin'. Smith.

The plot is as follows: Men in Black follows the exploits of agents K (Tommy Lee Jones) and J (Will Smith), two members of a top-secret organization established to monitor and police alien activity on Earth. Agents K and J find themselves in the middle of a deadly plot by an intergalactic terrorist (Vincent D'Onofrio) who has arrived on Earth to assassinate two ambassadors from an opposing galaxy. In order to prevent worlds from almost literally colliding, the MiB must track down the terrorist, a giant cockroach running around in the skin of a dead human farmer, and prevent the destruction of Earth. If you couldn't already tell, it's just another typical day for the Men in Black.

And now for the breakdown.

The Breakdown

• Ridiculousness: This film pretty much speaks for itself in terms of ridiculousness. It's a movie. About aliens. On Earth. Living amongst us. As immigrants. Umm...Yeah. To quote Zed, played by the incredibly awesome Rip Torn, "We're not hosting an intergalactic keggar down here, y'know." I know, Zed. I know. 4/5 Stars
• Classiness: This movie is classy from start to finish. It's the late 90's and thus the crazy that was the 80's and early 90's has been refined and diluted to more consistently stable levels of Awesome. All black suit and tie with matching sunglasses? Check. Believable, down-to-Earth characters in a not-so-believable or down-to-earth plot? Check. Great depiction of the time period within which it takes place? Check. There are references to the 90's in this, that at the time, you'd never realize were total anachronisms of the day. But now? Here's an example: "Roaches check in...but they don't check out."  3.5/5 Stars
• Cheesiness: Alright. This film is sort of loaded with cheese, but only in the very stereotypical 90's  cliche action-y kind of cheese. Otherwise known as the Cheesy Supreme Awesomesauce. Smith does a great job handling the bulk of the comedy in this flick, and Tommy Lee Jones as his straight-man mentor? Yeah. The man's a boss. Total boss. The only difference between him an Will Smith in the film? J makes "this" look good. Whatever "this" is. 3/5 Stars
• Hilariousness: How funny is this film? Well, when I first saw it, (and I was about 7 years old mind you), I couldn't stop quoting it. "Aw, hell naw!" was a popular phrase at the time, as was the aforementioned, "I make this look GOOD!" But now...well, now it falls kind of flat. It leaves something to be desired. It's humorous, make no mistake, but laugh out loud funny? Eh. It has it's moments.  2/5 Stars
• Awesomeness: This...is an Awesome film. Coming in with an average of 3.125 Stars, Men In Black is a film that while dated still has some funky freshness clinging to its timeless 90's attitude. And you know that's just awesome.
  
  And there you have it my fellow Extra-Terrestrials. Men In Black. Dissected and discussed as only an Aquillian's fake body can be. I leave you with this.

- Duke

Greetings! And the Best of Both Worlds: An Ode to the Action-Comedy

Hello, greetings, and good day fellow film lovers!

Allow me to take you to a place where the questions asked are as bold as the quests they inspire, and the babes are as bad(ass) as the puns spawned after them. My name is Brad, or Duke to the internet, and as long as you're aboard this crazy train the in-flight movie will be set to what I say it is: Action-Comedy. Or more to the point, action-comedy films of the 1980's and the 1990's. But first...

A Little About Me and Why I'm Starting This Blog

Think of this blog as a testament. An ode, really, to my favorite genre of film—the action-comedy. Why is the action-comedy the genre of film closest to my heart? I'm glad you asked, rhetorical question.

For whatever reason the Gods made Man a tinkerer. We tinker, Man. And from the fires of our tinkering we create things. Awesome things. Things that otherwise would have no business being together, come together under the watch of Man. And in those moments of producing one from two, Man transcends his mortal limitations and is able to play Creator. Just for a moment. Just for a second. Just to see how it feels. But, of course, that which Man creates and has created is then left behind in this physical plane forever, a mark upon the soul of the world. There are limitless examples: The Bow and Arrow. The Sword and the Stone. Nuclear Energy and the Atom bomb...

...Peanut Butter and Jelly. Alcohol and Girls with Daddy Issues. The Internet and Porn....

You see? Limitless.

The point is that all of these examples are the coming together of two great and terrible things that, through their unification, have forever changed the face of mankind.

I love action movies. And I love comedy movies. Action-Comedy is simply the marrying of the two and the awkwardly hilarious, adrenaline-fueled honeymoon that follows.

But then, when you  have to get right down to it, what is an Action-Comedy film? What actually separates an action-comedy from being just an Action or a Comedy film? Great point, rhetorical question, and once again I'm glad you asked.

The First Action-Comedies

No one can say for sure when the action-comedy first arose from the celluloid soup of film. It just sort of happened. It was one of those "Right place, right time" kind of affairs.

Or maybe it wasn't. Maybe it was premeditated. Maybe some big-wig studio execs got together in a big board room at the top of some downtown Los Angeles skyscraper, lit up and smoked some fat Cuban cigars until the room was nice and smoky and then decided "It's time..." and unleashed the Action-Comedy upon the world.

There are those that would insist that the old timey Adventure films and serials were the original Action-Comedies. Others would say that Eddie Murphy and Nick Nolte really kicked off the genre with the first buddy-cop flick, 48 Hours.

What little actual research I have done shows that Action films in particular came into a sort of "Golden Age" at the start of the 80's and by the end of the decade, and into the 90's, hybrid cross-genre Action films were everywhere. And that included the Action-Comedy.

So what does this mean for you and me? It means that I'll be playing fast and loose with the term 'Action-Comedy'. I might attribute it to an Action film that's a little more Action-y than Comedy; or just the opposite, and attribute it to a Comedy that has some really sweet Action in it, even if it's only briefly. But don't get your panties in a bunch just yet. I'm definitely going to critique and dissect films that are undeniably worthy of the genre Action-Comedy.

The System

The films will be broken down in depth and given ratings based on five factors. 

• Ridiculousness: This pertains to the ridiculousness of plot, of action sequences, of the main character or their predicament, etc.
• Classiness: This is in regards to the classiness of characters, of how believable the actor portrays the character, of the authenticity of the time or how well the film looks and feels, etc. 
• Cheesiness: This is, of course, in regards to the cheese-factor of the films’ on-screen romance, of any moral or ethical themes that are brought up repeatedly or poorly, the jokes and how they're executed, etc. 
• Hilariousness: This one kind of speaks for itself, but if you aren’t sure what this is measuring it’s how funny the film is. Clearly.
• Awesomeness: This will be determined by all the other scores combined.  But this is the measurement of the film in terms of sheer awesomeness. The Awesomeness rating will then be used in order to rank films in how they measure up against each other, so as to determine which Action-Comedy film of the 80’s and 90’s is truly the best.

And there you have it kiddies. Them's the rules and the reasons for'em. So now let's get to the fun stuff. To the action-comedies! To the art of awesome! To the cinema!

- Duke